Being a Master Criminal in WoW for Dummies

Before I begin, I would like to acknowledge Matticus, whose post on the Blog Azeroth forum inspired this piece. He threw ‘Crime in WoW’ up as an idea for a post he probably wouldn’t write, and I decided it looked intriguing.

There are a variety of ways in which one can be a criminal in World of Warcraft. Petty crime happens every day, right? Why not take some real world misdeeds, and have some fun with them in WoW as well? Here are 10 approaches to abandoning the straight life and living foot loose and moral free.

1. The Stick Up: This is a fine example which I can actually relate to from an in game experience! One day during a routine respec (admittedly in the somewhat shady sub basement of the inn), a gnome approached me rather furtively. I barely gave him a glance, until he said “Give me all of your gold or the imp gets it!”, followed by some amusing threatening gestures at Dagpep. Needless to say, Dagpep was quite disturbed by all of this, and started jumping around erratically and squealing. I considered dismissing him, but hey, the gnome might have gone after me then, right? Gnome-y followed this up with “Hurry it up lady, I don’t have all day, and my patience is wearing pretty thin!” Well, what could I do… in amongst the fits of laughter, I traded him 5 gold and thanked him for providing me with some amusement. Let’s just say he looked a little astounded at his success.

2. Pick Pocketing: Obviously this is only limited to rogues, but stealing stuff from unsuspecting enemies can be fun! If only you could do the same to other players…

3. Ninja style theft: This is a common one with mobs which can be herbed, especially in instances. Also happens with skinning and mining. Not very difficult to accomplish – you just have to be faster and greedier than the other guy!

4. Guild Bank Robbery: The ultimate in scumbaggery, but also one of the most rewarding ways to make a fast wad of cash. Earn the respect and trust of your guild mates, wait until the appropriate time, and steal everything for a quick and tidy profit. Prepare for mass hatred across the server though. In fact… consider a transfer, and a change of name.

5. Hacking – Steal everything while they are sleeping!: Account hacking is the way of the uber-nerd/geek. Channel your inner Neo and work some magic with the keyboard. Sneak in while someone is in bed, steal ALL of their things, and mail the gold off. Almost as satisfying as stealing candy from a baby.

6. Embezzlement: The easy way to hide the evidence of your crime. If you can convince some friends to help you, so much the better. Once you have gotten a hold of your bounty, mail the gold through to several characters in small amounts (hopefully across several accounts) before getting it back to two or three characters to hold the gold. Even consider laundering it through the Auction House – fun fun stuff!

7. Murder: Griefing is an age old crime in WoW. Just drag a mob across to someone you dislike, convienently feign death/vanish/bubble hearth, and leave them to face the music. Repeatedly jumping up and down on NPC’s while flagged has also had much success.

8. Prostitution: When you see those naked toons dancing on the Stormwind fountain, is there really anything else to question? Easy way to make a bit of spare change, and you can even do it while watching TV!

9. Mail Scams: Send an item of little value to players with a COD requirement, and hope that they do not notice. Always works at least once!

10. Trade Rorts: Advertise to enchant items, and then make off with the mats! Sure, it wont work for very long before people find out your reputation, but hey… it’s still a little bit of spare change!

So, good luck in your future adventures in the world of crime! Just stay away from Cenarius, k? Or at least Alliance side. Ta

*Disclaimer: This is a poor attempt at tongue in cheek humour. I do not seriously suggest you try any of these things! If anyone is dimwitted enough to do so, I take no responsibility whatsoever, and will deride you as a fool. Somewhat similar to my disdain of these certain idiots who purportedly cited GTA4 as their inspiration. I was stuck in that stupid traffic jam because of them. Unimpressed!

Also, images will be added when I get home from uni and have access to decent internet… and a powerpoint. Trying to upload images is unfun when you only have 20min of battery life left!*


~ by Angela on May 26, 2008.

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